You may be on good terms with your mother-in-law. At the same time, you may be completely against each other. To her, nobody can be good enough for her son but she is trying to make an effort. However, you can ruin all of that by saying certain sentences to her. Avoid the following to keep the harmony with the in-laws.
You don’t want to have an open door policy. Never tell your mother-in-law that she can come over whenever she wants and lean on you. She may just do that!
Not only will she want to discuss your relationship with her son and find out more about you, she will want to see her grandchildren and may even need some support. If you’re not there when she needs you, she’ll resent you and feel like you’ve gone back on your word.
There is a reason voting is secret: it stops arguments. Your mother-in-law may like to debate about politics with you but she doesn’t want you to tell her that she wasted her vote.
She has her own opinions and reasons for voting for someone and you should respect that. If she brings it up and asks you to tell her who you voted for, politely decline to answer.
Mothers think they have done the best possible for their children; at least, they hope they have. The last thing your husband’s mother wants to hear is that she didn’t teach him something or his behaviour is because of her.
His behaviour is because of himself. By all means, as her for advice and tell her what he did but don’t moan and blame her for it.
You will have a bigger connection with your own parents but you can’t push your husband’s family out of the picture. Once you marry, you need to treat both families equally; after all, your in-laws have become part of your extended family and are still a major part of your husband’s family.
Alternate the holiday seasons between your families and work out how to include everyone into various celebrations.
She has a busy life too and manages to make time for you and her son. You need to show her the same courtesy. No, you don’t have to drop everything you’re doing all the time; you will start to resent her if you do.
Work with your husband to find a time that suits everyone. If she sets a date without consulting you first, offer an alternative to make it clear you do want to see them but you have prior arrangements that you can’t change.
Whether it is between you and your husband or you and one of her other children, she doesn’t want to be used as a go between.
This can be different if her other children are still in fact children—she may have a certain way of disciplining them. However, adult children don’t need their mother to act as go between.