Have you recently married a man with children? It can be a daunting experience. Even if you’ve had a good relationship with them as the girlfriend, becoming the step-mom has a scary thought to it. Just think about how Cinderella was treated by her step-mother!
It is possible to be a good step-mom and here are some tips to help with that.
Don’t Speak Badly About Their Mother
Never put a child’s mother down, even if there is a problem. The children will just resent you. Parents are perfect, even if they’re not, in a child’s eyes. If there is an issue about the mother, you need to talk to your own parents, friends or even the children’s father about it. When the children mention their mother, speak kindly about them to create a happy home.
Find How You Fit In
It could be as the confidant or you may become like an aunt. You still want the children to listen to you and do as they’re told, but you need to make it clear that you’re not trying to replace their mother.
Be Kind to the Children
Children have heard all the horror stories of step-mothers. Again, remember the story about Cinderella! Children will expect you to be mean and make them do all the chores.
However, you need to make it clear that the fairytales aren’t true. You’re not going to be the evil step-mother from hell. Be kind and encouraging to the children.
Let It Be Fun
Create a fun and joyful environment within the home. It’s stressful being a step-mom. The children may not listen to you and could even resent you for replacing their mother in their father’s affections. While you know it’s stressful, you also need to have fun. Find ways to bring laughter into the home and make the children feel more at ease.
Don’t Push Them
Children will come to accept you in their own time. The best thing you can do is not push them into liking you. Younger children are usually easier to encourage. It will be the teenagers who tend to resent you the most.
Give them space but let them know that you’re there for them should they need advice or someone to talk to. They’ll soon realise that you’re not the demon that they’ve made you out to be in their heads.
Don’t Buy Their Love
You can’t buy their love. Getting them gifts every day or treating them whenever you’re alone with them is not a way to get them to like you. They’ll come to expect it and can even use it against you.
While you want to treat them if they’ve done something special or it’s their birthday, you want to give them time to come to appreciate you just for who you are.