Long  Engagements

Long Engagements

There are some people that are engaged for years and years before they ever get married than there are likely the same number of people that are engaged for years and years and never get married. Are long engagements healthy?

The answer is it all depends on which expert you ask. While some experts believe that long engagements are fine others believe they are a disaster waiting to happen. So why do people get engaged and then wait years to take the next step

engagement-ringCommitment Phobic

For some people that thought of getting married is the equivalent of slipping their head in a noose and jumping. Commitment phobia goes beyond butterflies in the stomach. People that are commitment phobic literally have panic attacks when they think about committing to anything or anyone for a long period.

When one or both partners are afraid to take the leap than that engagement is likely as far as they are going to go. A lot of people wonder why even bother getting engaged if you are afraid of commitment. The answer is complex but 9 times out of 10 it is very likely that the couple got engaged because of societal pressures and family pressure to do so.

engagement-ring2Getting to Know Each Other

Many couples that subscribe to long engagements already live together. It baffles friends and family members as to what the point is. Being engaged and living together sort of defeats the purpose of marriage. In these cases the couple usually take on rather traditional roles, act like married couples, share property and yet they just will not tie the knot.

A lot of couples in the long engagement living together situation are very happy with the way things are they do not want to “ruin” things by getting married. Studies have shown however that couples that live together instead of getting married feel less committed to each other.

Studies have also shown that getting to know someone for a long period before marriage does not lengthen the time that couples stay married. As a matter of fact some studies have shown that the longer couples stay engaged before marriage the less likely they are to get married.


If you are engaged or soon to be engaged, set a date! Don’t let it drag on for however long. If this is the person you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with than make those plans. Don’t look back or look for reasons not to make the plans.

If you are unsure if this Mr. Right now is really Mr. Right than don’t take the ring no matter how pressured you feel. It is far better to have your doubts now before you are engaged. There is so much drama involved with a broken engagement.

Put a time limit on your engagement, in other words make the plans. Give yourself a year to stay engaged than plan on being married. If you must go to the two year mark, anything after that is just ridiculous!

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